Ever wonder what some of your favorite characters might say in text messages to each other? With a little poetic license, let’s re-imagine a scene from The House of Order from chapter “Little Blue Box”:
Jefita: Relles? Relles! Ven acqui!
Relles: Si Jefita?
Jefita: Hijo, go down to Joe’s Grocery and get my little blue box.
Relles: {no response}
Jefita: Relles, are you listening??
Relles: Si, Jefita
Jefita: Don’t go to Marshall’s, just go to Joes’s. Sabes?
Relles: …Why can’t you go?
Jefita: Hijo I’m frying calabacitas for Jefe’s lunch. Get going. 🙂
———
Neto: Why does Jefita need a little blue box?
Tevo: Cabron, it’s because she’s opening up and bleeding.
Relles: Shut up, Tevo. Go back home.
Tevo:Â She puts them down in between her legs and keeps herself dry, cabron.
Relles: Shut up, Tevo.
Neto: What’s a blue box, Relles? Why does she put them down between her legs?
Relles: Shut up Neto.
Neto: No, I want to know.
Tevo: A woman bleeds because she’s got pains. She flushes her eggs out once a month and bleeds. Give me the box and I’ll show you.
Neto: What eggs? Flushes ’em where? Down the toilet?
Relles: That’s enough, cabrones. I don’t want to know about the Jefita’s eggs or her bleeding. Now shut up or I’ll tell the Jefe. smh
——————-
Jefita: THE HELL HAPPENED HERE? Damn it, I give you one job and you can’t even do that. I can even count on you to do one thing for me porque chingando.
Relles: Lo siento, Jefita
Jefita: Oy lo! Sorry? WHAT HAPPENED??
Relles:Â I dropped it, mama.
—————–
Jefita: Your Jefe comes and goes. Your brother is all over the place. You’re the man when the Jefe’s gone. I rely on you.
Relles: Are you bleeding, mama?
Jefita: Who told you that?
Relles: Nobody
Jefita: These are for women
Relles: Yes, mama
Jefita: You dont need to know no more.
Relles:Â {no response}
—————
Jefita: GO TO BED.
Relles: fml
———–
And now let’s imagine a few scenes from House of Order greeting cards.
From Little Blue Box
Return to Cacaville
You’re next. Here’s the caption: As long as you’re working hard, you’re doing fine.
—-Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â —-Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â —
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About the author: John Paul Jaramillo grew up in Southern Colorado but now lives, writes and teaches in Springfield, Illinois. He earned his MFA in creative writing (fiction) from Oregon State University and, currently, holds the position of Associate Professor of English in the Arts and Humanities Department of Lincoln Land Community College. Connect with John Paul on his website, Facebook, Twitter or GoodReads.