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Just in time for Mother’s Day: A Woman’s Worth by Dwayne Buckingham

You might know, I”m always looking for a fight.  I”m fighty like that. I guess you could say I belong in a Fight Club.  I’m fighty when it comes to important issues.  I love to fight for the underdog.  That’s the whole purpose of this blog; to alert you to the multicultural characters (or lack of them) in books.

Also? I love a dude in a suit and tie.  Read this guest post and think about what it means to be a woman and a mother.  From a man’s perspective.  A man who is WEARING a shirt and tie on his website.  Check it out!

What is a Woman’s Worth?

 As a young boy I did not understand the value of a woman. No man ever taught me to respect or appreciate a woman. I grew up viewing women in a very negative manner and thought that all women were weak because they gave 100% even when they only received 50%.

During my childhood I watched my mother struggle as she practically raised eight children by herself. Despite being saddened by her status as single mom, she instilled the fear of God in us and taught us to be generous. She volunteered in church and gave to the needy. She did not have much money, but she would give money to kids in the neighborhood. She was always willing to help someone else and did not ask for anything in return. She worked long hours as a bricklayer to support my siblings and me. She did it all…at least for others.

I remember having mixed feelings about my mother as a young boy. I loved her wholeheartedly for taking care of me, but I was angry with her because I watched others mistreat her and she would somehow find it in her heart to forgive them. I viewed her behavior as weakness. I was also angry with her  because my siblings and I were often teased about not having a father present and living in very poor housing conditions. We were also teased about my mother’s employment status. I never understood why she chose to work as a bricklayer. I felt embarrassed and wanted her to get a “woman’s job.”  I never expressed my emotions or concerns to my mother, and as a result I never understood her.

I must admit that I was one lost soul who was struggling to understand the value of a woman. And to add to my struggle and emotional turmoil, my mother died my junior year in high school after losing the battle to cancer.

I never knew what it was like to feel lonely until I lost my mother. She was the only person who showed me love consistently, and I did not understand her worth until she was gone.

She exemplified qualities that made life worth living even under the worse conditions. She loved hard and did her best with what she was working with. Although she was taken advantage of on many occasions, she never stopped giving of herself. I did not understand my mother and after losing her, my desire to understand a woman’s worth intensified. I spent hours, days, months and years searching for answers.

Through a combination of personal, academic and Christian teachings and experiences, I learned that a woman’s worth cannot be measured by observing her external appearance or behavior. It’s her internal beauty and power that truly makes her valuable. I also learned that God did not create perfect women, but He did create women who are strong, loving, nurturing, compassionate, free-spirited and supportive.  He created earthly angels.

As a result of acquiring proper knowledge about the essence and value of a woman, I transformed from being a lost, disturbed, ungrateful, disrespectful and unappreciative boy to thoughtful, caring, spiritual and generous man who now understands and appreciates a woman’s worth.

My relationship with my mother laid the foundation for how I came to understand the value of a woman. My mother did not have much, but she was a giver. My mother was not perfect, but she attempted to live righteously. My mother was not rich monetarily, but she lived richly. My mother did not create me, but she brought me into this world and loved me with all her heart.

When asked “What is a Woman’s Worth?” I often remind people that a woman is not valuable because of what she is, but because what she is capable of doing. A woman is God’s most precious and valuable gift to mankind because she is the personification of optimism, the bearer of hardship, the healer for heartache and the vessel to life.

As Mother’s Day approaches, I challenge you to think about your mother’s worth. Prior to losing my mother, I did not value her. I took her for granted and did not always treat her like a Queen because I did not understand her worth. Too often we fail to recognize and to honor those who give so much.

 

Dr. Dwayne Buckingham, psychotherapist and relationship expert, created the DVD and companion book A Black Woman’s Worth: My Queen and Backbone, to celebrate the value of the many women like his own mother. Celebrate the women in your life with the “A Black Woman’s Worth” Mother’s Day Special DVD and book  today. http://www.realhorizonsdlb.com/catalog/products

I’m all about treating women like Queens.  Have you seen my tiara?

Now, get out there and show your mama some lovin!!!

I’d like to shout out to another fighty sister, Aja Dorsey Jackson for introducing me to Mr. Suit and Tie.  Check out her website.  She’s the bee’s knees.